Novecientos Once

Hoy encontre mi journal -el ke escribi para la clase de Galceran, hace 6 an~os. My entry for Sept 11 was there. Es extran~o, como vemos diferente el mundo cuando tenemos 15 an~os. Mis pensamientos no se escaparon hacia la filosofia hasta dos entries despues. Hasta entonces -al menos una semana despues- comence a filosofar sobre el poder de Dios y el poder humano, sobre la justicia divina y la incapacidad humana de controlar los eventos de nuestra vida personal y colectiva -de crear justicia en el mundo. "There seems to be no true reason for which things happen... If God does not want to force us to submit, and we are not willing to give him control of our lives, then the world is not under God's rule, but under ours. AND IF WE CANT UNDERSTAND OURSELVES, HOW CAN WE BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND -LET ALONE PLAN- THE EVENTS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD???"
Very deep thinking. LoL. I know. Cut me some slack, tenia quince an~os. Habia olvidado ese sentimiento --that feeling of loss and spiritual alarm that one can only feel in the face of imminent war. el sentimiento ke solo viene cuando piensas ke el mundo va a estallar, sin razon alguna, y todo lo ke conoces, como lo conoces, parece desaparecer mientras escuchas al principal dismissing class, sin que nadie pueda hacer nada. En donde queda el poderio humano? The enlightened man? the scientific mind? the self-righteous, humanitarian, morally and politically correct civilization we've built?
No existe. Nor does God's willingness to enforce justice seem very .... palpable ... when you believe that if you dont get through the border soon, you might end up on the wrong side of this century's Berlin wall.
But He did give us a second chance --and maybe I was right on something back then, because... well, is that fair? Do we deserve it? Did we not so unashamedly pave the way to WW III?? Have we done anything to fix our mistakes? Are we trying harder to help our neighbor, or did we open our eyes to a reality of a sick world just so we could feel disgusted at it? I just ... moved on. To the next page. To my little world, full of boys and shoes and gossip. And then the wave of emotions caught on to me a few days later. And then a few years after that. And what have I learned? just one thing: not to trust my weak and selfish spirit. y a prestar un poco mas de atencion a las necesidades de los demas. trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean in your own understanding.... it's so difficult to do when you're an arrogant, stubborn brat like me.