taking ... it... s..l...o...w

I don't know where my head is lately.
Forgot my phone at one of my jobs. Left a document by the copy machine at the library. Almost sent a letter with no stamp on it... missed a bus on the way to church...

I really needed a slow day.

And I got a weekend.

Happy Columbus Day to me. I thought I wasn't going to get it, since my professors and PA's all seemed pretty adamant about not getting behind, so I told myself I didn’t need it. But when my two Monday classes re-scheduled, I was ecstatic. I got the weekend. I got the weekend! And I had all of my reading for next week done by Thursday.

So, I've taken it slow. And it's made for an amazing, long weekend. I've done laundry, cleaned and organized my closets, given that kitchen some much needed care… The fridge needed to be cleaned, and so did the stove and both the small and the big oven. That oven doesn't get cleaned unless I do it…

But I like cleaning though. I like doing it because it's so completely inconsequential and fruitless. Well, not completely. There’s always the rewarding cleanliness. But it holds no relevant truth, no important tie to my relationships, no theological argument, no historical accuracy or lack thereof... It’s just cleaning. And I can do it with a spotless mind, uncontaminated by the reality of the world. The things I can’t change have suddenly been reduced to 3 year old oven stains or an ugly uncooperative wood floor. The shortcomings of people, including my own, go only as far as the kitchen windows will allow me to see.

I realized how contagious the environment’s effect is on me. I’ve heard it so much, that we are a product of our society. But I’d never realized how thoroughly and habitually I respond to the world that surrounds me. How a document becomes important only because of school and despite it being just a paper to me. How missing a class becomes a reason for sleeplessness. How my walking becomes three times as fast only so the fat guy behind me won’t pass me. I’m surely as busy as he is!

I protest. If I will respond to this environment, then I will do so at my own will –according to my standards. At the very least, according to my own environment. And where I come from, being permanently busy does not make you an important person. Stress is a sign of hardship. One doesn’t submit to stress unless no other choice is available. And I happen to have an alternative. I can be my industrious self AND be engaged with my life. With my friends. With my family. With God.

So I will take it slow. I'll enjoy. And I will not need the last traces of Columbus’ unrequested and unannounced visit to finally take a deep breath.

I will enjoy school. I will enjoy the blessing that cleaning my landlord’s kitchen is :)!