Conference

Going back to organized religion was a decision I've gradually made this year, without really realizing it. I gravitate towards Methodism because it is the faith that was ingrained in me since childhood, and because it has been this very community that has believed in my parents' vision for the children in Anapra. Methodism has nurtured me, my family, and my family's mission for many years.
And yet I cannot help the feeling of skepticism and suspicion that all powerful structures inspire in me. I cannot help but realize that the political and business nature is still necessarily present –because of obvious and understandable reasons, but still there. I have so far fared well in this world of networking and structures, mainly because of the many who love and respect my parents, but I am always a bit lost in it. What's worst, I am always afraid that my idealism will betray me, as it invariably does, even if to a small extent.

The president of my high school is a non-Methodist person who was hired (I've always wonder by whom) to be an administrator –and a darned good one she is. She raised over a million dollars in scholarships this year, and though she is a somewhat extravagant person, she has not to my knowledge had a reprehensible behavior as far as her financial administration goes. Though she had nothing to do with the Harvard scholarship, and though my parents had to go through many sacrifices so that I could be where I am, she did speak to the LLUMC about me and got me that internship that paid for ..hmm.. 70% of SMU. And yet her drive escapes me. She seems to leave the educational, spiritual, and social leaderships to others (to the vice-president, the chaplain, and the principal) and concentrates on scholarships and PR. She does not show an interest on the kids at the school, though I suppose she has to keep tabs on them or have someone else do it for scholarship selection purposes, until they are about to graduate. To students and their parents, she is not approachable, nor is she necessarily friendly, and her directness can at times be too harsh. So what compels her, as she goes about her busy schedule? I am not sure that I want to know. And still, I can't help but feel for her, and love her somehow, and be glad that she is doing what she is doing, because I really want to think she wants to help, even if she is not aware that she ought to be a full leader or a spiritual example. Right now I only hope that Abi will be able to go to Baker. And I am praying and hoping for whatever networking skills we might possibly need ---I am STILL not working and my siblings will both soon be in college. My goodness, we do need that scholarship.
Conference was not all political and ideological stress, though. Diana, the Todds, and lay ministers from Emporia and FUMC in KC were there. Rev. Reed (retired now) and Pastor Maria (pastor of the church Q and I are going to) were also there. It was very good to see them, and their presence kept my head where it ought to be -on my shoulders, aware that I am loved and respected, and not somewhere else in a perfect world that does not exist. A very nice lady from the one small group we had last year also introduced me to the director of a Hispanic Community Center that is about to open in a town somewhat close to Lawrence. It does not look like it will be a full time job, and it is about a 40-50 min commute, but it is an option, and it seems the type of church-based outreach that attracts my professional interests like a magnet. We'll see how that goes.

Q wrote a wonderful list of things he wants to be doing this summer. I am personally unsure of what goals I have. I have been doing many of the things that had been items in an old, continually growing to do list, though. And I am grateful to be here, and to have been given the chance to spend this time at home with my husband, as he says, playing house. It has been a whole lot of fun, and I know that in these times of workaholism and private accomplishment, women seldom have an excuse as good as mine to enjoy the wonders of being a stay at home wife – yay for extended honeymoons and no children! LoL. Ay Dios. It is late.