Still going crazy...

Well, I'm supposed to be sleeping, but I can't, as usual, after such a crazy day... that and I'm hungry for some reason (and snack-less, quite regretfully), despite the Wendy's chicken sandwiches my "twenty-something with a significant other" (as his father called him and his siblings in one of his bog’s comments) and I had a few hours ago... so I’m back to my computer, as I do whenever I have insomnia, and since I’m not the innate web-surfer my boyfriend seems to be, I simply tend to write, after reading and browsing for a bit… and so, here it goes:

*** Family: Dad and Misi (Misael, my brother) were playing paintball on Friday. Dad called me that same night to check on me and to let me know he had been sown… he has four stitches in his arm. I told him I don’t know crazier people than them two… he only laughed… and I just had to overcome that little chill, and take it as a joke too. Boys will be boys… Dads will be dads… and to a point… jeje… dads will be boys too.

Mom talked to me after him, just to make fun of him, which of course, was her way of relieving stress. You see, in my family, Mom and I are the calm, tempered ones. The rest of our family says we’re cold. I think we’re not. We’re pretty warm, we just have unusual ways of showing it. We’re the care-takers, the responsible ones. Mom’s the person in charge of finances, the one who’s always on top of the ball, the strict one. Strong character. I’m the strict sister too… but I’m also the one who makes them learn Psalms, and Bible verses, and poetry, and reads with them at night, and taught them how to ride their bike, and how to dress up, and how to connect the Play Station… and I miss them every minute of the day. Dad has a warm, sweet, character. He’s the one to go to when you need special permissions (he’ll most likely say yes, unless there’s something horribly wrong with what you’re asking). He’s the one with the jokes, with the fun questions, with the good memory when it comes to friends. But still, I think it is Mom that I go to when I need a confidante. Sarai and Misael are both quick-tempered, but have learned to take control of their character. I admire that in them. they’ve learned to be considerate, to open up… and they are both incredibly smart. I think they’re also a good looking pair, if I may say so. Abi (I call her “Cositas”) is my baby girl. Ok, so she’s not a baby anymore. But she is her sweet, caring self, and she always will be. She’s the one her friends go to for advice, the one other girls used to choose as a Mom when they played house. Sarai (she won’t accept my “Saris”) is married and expecting her first baby. She and her husband have been working on their new home forever, and I wonder if they will be able to get it ready by the time the baby comes. It’s going to be a boy, we think, so far. I’m going to be an aunt!!

*** School: went to see my advisor this Friday …
… and realized I could have graduated with a 3.6-3.8. but… I won’t, mainly because I chose not to do the pass/fail option for my science courses.. and now I have two Cs in my transcript… and they have really done a lot of damage, much more than I thought I would… and now I’ll be getting a 3.4- 3.5, if I do really well both semesters this year. All As and Bs… and two Cs… who would have thought?!?
The good news are, as it turned out be, that I can “petition” for two classes I’ve taken to count as perspectives, and if that happens, I'll be taking 16 hours (as opposed to 22). The hope of a less stressful semester does calm me a little bit. But then I wonder how easy of a semester it will be, nevertheless, if I'll be taking 15 hours of advanced literature... and no religion courses, as I thought I would. I just really hope it won’t be 22... wish me luck... sniff… the paperwork at this school is simply never-ending… a circle that won’t ever close… a 2000 pg book… a horrifying maze… hehe…. ay Dios!
Classes so far… well, I have two essays due at the beginning of next week, so I’ll be working all day tomorrow. I read all day today… and I forgot to have dinner yesterday (yeah… I was reading)… and I haven’t caught up with school yet… well, I did, and then I got behind again. Every time I get two or three concurrent essays, I end up getting a little behind in my readings… and so it happens, I am forever stressing out about my work schedule. The agenda doesn’t work when you are not able to keep up with it.
I have a full day, so I don’t usually get to see the boy until late at night. I get out of my last class at 8 on Mon Weds, and I don’t get out of chapter till 9 on Thursdays, and I was reading until 8pm today, I think.
Applications: AGH!! Back to the darn education system… combine that with the immigration problem… with politics… with … agh… complete and total disrespect for people, simply on the basis of nationality. DAMN IT! Nationality influences a person’s cultural, social, and perhaps even educational identity, but for the life of me… it DOES NOT AFFECT ONE’S PROFESSIONAL IDENTITY!! I will develop my professional career here or in Mexico or in Spain or in South America, and whatever I do for a living, whether I work in a middle school or an elementary school, and whether it’s at home or not, my work will be done with excellence, and I am convinced that I will contribute to that place’s education level. I'm offended. I, like most educators, have NOT made my professional choice based on the prospect of an affluent life-style. I am moved by a personal need to serve. I am here because this is the ministry I’ve been called to. Because I love to do what I do, because it’s such a huge part of me, because it’s the greatest profession of all. And no, I won’t sign that application. I will not pledge to go back to my country as soon as I finish grad school. I won't sign because I might stay. Because perhaps, even though I’d earn more in Mexico right now than I would here if I were to stay, perhaps I will decide to stay and help my people. There is so much to do here, so much to change. There is so much to change in this entire continent! Our education system is inneffective and socially inconstant... all over (this is it's one constant!) Perhaps I will go to South America. I might return home. Or I maybe I will go to Mexico City and work with SEP. But whether I stay or leave, I will not sign. I find this irrespectful, and I defend my right to choose where I wish to live and work. If Immigration has decided I am a valuable student/worker, why will a University show me the door? If there’s such a terrible need for educators, and if the need for bilingual educators is even greater, I am at a loss for words. I find no true defense or explanation. How can they send much needed teachers back? How can they tell a potential student that they must filter out those who use this univerity for non-professional goals? I am offended, and I will not sign. Much rather go even farther away from home to continue studying… I can go to Kansas, or Boston, or Mexico City… or if it came down to it, I’d much rather not continue studying... or go back to Spain. I will not sign.
Ok… so I have nothing but complaints about school… I have very serious problems with the education system… but I will stop …on to more pleasant topics!

*** So the boy… the boy has been my solace all this time. Sometimes I wonder if he knows all that’s going through this head of mine… he can read my emotions perfectly well, though. He finds words to my thoughts, when I can’t seem to explain myself… and he surprises me every time… I wonder if he knows that he is just as complex to me as I must be to him… and his sense of humor… gosh, his sense of humor is so different from mine! … I am convinced he has a lot more fun than me.
I’ve also found he has a rather interesting thought life. I think that unlike me, he does not express half his feelings… or his thoughts. Politeness should be somewhat (I repeat: somewhat) overpowered by friendship. I’m still wondering if he really wanted to go to that restaurant… and I’m glad he kicks me out, despite all my growling, and sends me back to studying each time.
So I can’t call him by his name, given that his brother’s reasons (safety and reserve) for anonymity are shared by the boy and by the rest of his friends and family… and I don’t know what to call him. In the future, I might use Quijote, the nickname he uses for his blog posts and comments. And of course, I’ll use “the boy” … and “Minino” (Cat), if the occasion permits -- he has called me “Ardilla” (Squirrel) and both Spanish nicknames came about because of a strange conversation we had one night when he was taking me home… we have deduced it is the squirrels’ mafia that owns this campus… SMU… get it? … hehe… I did say it had been a strange conversation… We enjoy this stuff… hehe… the greatness of simplicity …
He has a great group of friends. Val, nos estan ganando… jeje… cuidado que son mas!! I can see they love each other so much. They’ve made such a positive impression on me. Perhaps I’ve made some mistakes in my judgment of this society… and I am so glad to see that!!!
So Quijote and I went to the Dallas Museum of Arts two weekends ago. I had a blast. Hehe… but I’m afraid he didn’t enjoy the… vanguard art… or how should I call it? I am absolutely sure they’ve named this kind of performances… but in any way, this type performance is a very modern approach to theater arts, and I would say that what we saw that night was in essence beautiful and striking. No, not terrible. It was genius. It was a very astonishing mix of poetry, every-day life situations and wording, and a very musical, mathematical ordering of motions and use of the stage. The way they used the space, and their very scant props, and the degree of emotion in their corporal motions and in their facial expressions…I enjoyed the lyrical beauty of it, even the satirical wit of it… I enjoyed every minute of it. I thought it was rare and beautiful.
Like what we have.
Lol… I am amazed at how people’s experiences are so different, even when the object of experience is the same… talk about Chistology… lol… tell this to the Jesus Seminar!! Ay… that’s a whole other story…

*** Friends…. VAL IS MOVING TO MCALLEN!!! Good Lord… how far is that from here??? She’s going to live there for 6 or 7 months… all hopes of her coming here are gone, but I am very, very happy for her. She emailed me today to tell me about it, and I was so glad to hear from her, and to see she had been able to make a choice, and that she sounded so at peace with it… hehe… she said she’s psychologically preparing herself for the “trip” … I think it’s her mother who’s gonna need a visit to the psychologist after this one… lol… Val has never left home, and she’s been her entire family’s emotional support all this time. I think it very healthy for her to give them some space, some space for them to learn to deal with decisions and hardships without her. And a break from all of it for her. Val, you deserve this, and they need it, as terrible as it might sound. Besides, hehe.. you’ll be doing some learning too… I’ve always wondered how good of a cook you could possibly be… lol…

*** Room and board. The boy doesn’t like his apartment as much as he liked living with his ex roommate. I don’t know if it’s the fact that the kitchen is too small, or that the stove had a gas leak at the beginning of the semester, or if it’s because the place is old… I don’t know if it’s any of this, or if he really just misses the comfort of brotherly company. I realized how not-at-home I feel in my own room sometimes. I must share space, light, time, mess, noise, and even my personal life, with four girls. It’s very nice girls, that’s not the problem (although I do miss Aleks, my ex-roommate, and one of my best friends). I’m grateful they’re all so much fun and so considerate. With the exception of my preference of warm weather and my roommate’s need of a 60 degree room temperature, I’ve had no problems with them at all. I just miss having some privacy… feeling like it makes a difference if I clean up… doing a little nestling, making the place look a little more like me.
So I end up pestering the boy… and my friends… and spending lots of time at the Hughes Trigg commons…
And staying up till 3am blogging because I cannot sleep… hehe… naw… that’s just me. I just don’t sleep much…
I’ll go to bed, though… I can think some more in there… I’ll have to kick my roommates’ friends out… I figure if I start getting ready and get in bed, they’ll feel uncomfortable enough to go… hehe. I have to explain though: this is not a normal thing, her bringing people over this late. And they came in bc I wasn’t sleeping. I was already here, writing away… and I feel bad... they're having some serious bonding time... maybe they'll continue in the lobby? my head hurts a little... and I'm still mad at this school and at the education system. ok… enough writing… lol… good night…