Dance it all away...

Exactly what I did last Friday... I just danced it all away. I had such a great time! I needed it, after all the stress of talking with the bar manager, and getting the sercurity people to ID the twenty people that were waiting to come in... after all the papers from last week, two consecutive all-nighters, a boy-reality check, my car breaking down (again), a "faith crisis" (as Sarah so kindly called it), and a terrible argument with my father... yes, I NEEDED to dance. Alpha Psi Lambda Party @ Little Havana... most of my great friends, my frat brothers and sisters, and lots of faces I hadn't seen in a year. God, I missed the good times!

My friend Janie has taken in a 17 yr-old homeless boy. That amazing, crazy girl decided it wasn't fair for a hard-working kid to be kicked out of his foster home solely on the ground of religious disagreement. She took him in. It is because of people like her that I still feel somewhat connected to the world. My friends. And the people worth admiring. People who care. I found the strangest question on a Facebook page. It quotes: "I wish SMU had more people like that...I'm like where are the people that don't give a shit." To an extent, I'm a little jealous. The boy has it pretty easy... there's lots of them laid-back people, everywhere. I think that letting go and deciding you simply don't care anymore is much simpler than straightout dealing with a problem, much easier than deciding you do care and fighting what you don't like. There's not enough people who care. Not enough people willing to give of their time, and effort, and even emotional sanity, for the sake of someone else, or for the sake of doing something about it when you know there's something wrong. Janie is one of them. She's doing something about it. She is strong enough to care.

So I'm like, where are the people who do care? I had stopped caring too. Need to get back on track... where did my life's structure go? where's the strong, self-sufficient, hard-minded girl? Silly thing fell for the wrong guy, twice, and started rationalizing. Good thing he stepped back. Of all things, I never thought I'd have ridiculous problems like this one. I don't date, I don't mess around with people. I stay away... or I did. Three years of drama-free college life. Purely academic problems, nothing but friends and family. And then this. I have to be more careful. Perhaps staying away wasn't such a bad idea.

So this next week/end is it. I'm facing the problem... college will be over soon, gotta start making some choices. I'm sitting down and doing research and applying for grad-schools (and scholarships) and jobs. Might have to get a grant. Might teach and save, then go back to school. I had considered going back home for a semester. I feel it's such a coward idea, but I miss my family terribly....

I think this Friday I'm gonna cook it all away : )

Posting something personal for the first time

I made a new friend a couple weeks ago. He has introduced me to this blogging idea, and I have to admit I find it to be quite a challenging experience. An online journal is just that: a public record of one's personal life. I have had a journal before. I'm just a little concerned about making it public. I am unsure as to how open I can be, since I will be writing with the constant awareness that I might actually have an audience... pretty scary. Yet at the same time I realize that this might help me organize my thoughts and stay true to myself. After all, life itself is public, and perhaps a little insight will explain a lot. I've always believed in transparency, but aren't we all subject to interpretation?
Two warnings: First, I write both in English and Spanish. It makes it easier for me, and after all, I think I am writing this for purely selfish reasons : ) ... for me, for my friends, for my family... if you were meant to know it, you'll probably hear it from me before realizing you need a Spanish-English dictionary. And second: please, take it all with a grain of salt. This is, after all, a first-person point of view, and is charged with all the pros and cons of an insider's perspective.
So there, that's my introduction. I'm going to try to concentrate on my essay now. I'm still wondering what my main argument for this paper really is... and believe me, that's not a good thing.