Rehab

So grad school. I may have approached it from the wrong angle. Thought it'd be specialized... focused... detailed... not general... introductory... vague... and so aware of its relative simplicity and its overview-ish tendencies that it feels a need to burden students with reading lists so widespread and so long that they are beyond feasibility… *sigHh*

I protest. Reading 400 pages a day is physically impossible. I can’t keep up!

It’s 11 at night. And I have Greek hw to do… and I have another hw I should do (don’t have to.. but I should..) and I have reading to do…pages and pages and pages of 3^rd Century theological debate, and each text's history and commentaries... and midterms coming up… and 2 essays due in about 17 days..

I’m so tired.

I bumped into this girl in the library this morning. We ended up talking about how she’s had to choose which readings to do. While she was explaining her method, another friend of ours joined us… and then another… and then another. All of us, without exception, are freaking out. Then this girl makes the comment: that a 3^rd year grad student told her that she shouldn’t try to read it all. No one ever reads everything. Two guys in the group concur. They’ve been told the same thing.

Ok. So… what exactly is the point of doing this? This is exactly how I came up with that weird sentence at the beginning of my post. Compensation. They are compensating for the lack of specialization. But of course, it can’t be like this all three years!! I’m taking introductory courses, but I HOPE the general nature of these classes will not stretch out into infinite existence….

Ok.. I’m exaggerating. In the near future, when classes are bit more focused… hehe…next year.. uh, yeah... reading assignments will then be meticulously studied… and the students will be merry once again. our personal sense of intellectual fulfillment will return...

No no… the girl interrupts me (yeah… I told them. I was trying to be ..uh…encouraging?). The reading assignments will continue to grow in length and difficulty, of course. She’s been told so… by the wiser, more knowledgeable 3^rd.. and 4^th.. and 5^th year students. Oh Lord. I will again have to explain to myself that there is a completely rational cause for the disproportionate, unachievable reading expectations. I didnt tell them that.

So… The plan. Im waking up as early as I possibly can. I am reading all day, except when I am in class, and I will restrict my social activities to board games with the HDS peeps on Tuesday nights…

Yes. We played board games today. After such a conversation, my brain sort of gave up. I decided that after staying at home all of last week, and after reading ALL day Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I need to stare at something else other than the monitor of this thing.

And finally, siiiiiiiiii, I will pick and choose too. I will admit I am not capable of reading so much. I hate admitting to it, but I’m going to have to be realistic. I'm not finishing my readings as it is. So I’m going to read what I believe to be the core readings of each class (meaning I will choose what NOT to read... as opposed to ending the day with the realization that I didn't ever get to the important text) and I’m going to try to enjoy this. I'm not going to spend the time going over that last Tertullian "book." I'm going to sleep. Heck. Im going to get more organized, and I'm going to enjoy school.

That’s my main concern: Will “enjoying” grad school get me in trouble? It certainly has so far. Taking my time has most definitely thrown me back. I need to find a way to both enjoy this and keep up with the work.

I've been high on school this week. lost in the impracticalities of extended studies. I am officially in rehabilitation mode.